Sex talk Among Women: Such Promise, Such Honesty!

I love my girlfriends. Whenever we meet up, my stress levels dip to zero.
It is true, no one understands a chick like another chick. We may reflexively put up all these façades for the men in our lives, but women are in their true element when they are talking with fellow women. Well, mostly…
And my girlfriends know how to feed my column too – with their consent of course – seeing as many of them are married. At a wedding, party, name it, we eventually gravitate towards one another.
Before long, depending on which set of girlfriends I am with, the topics swing from our favourite, God, to our other favourites – jobs and, of course, men. This time when we were finally hoarse from singing the New Year in, we made ourselves comfortable on a big floor rug in a corner.
Soon, the marriage topic arose. Two of the girlfriends were complaining that their men “report to work daily and actually work, without fail” (read, they expect to make love every night).
The workplace analogy came in handy, seeing as we were in a packed room, with eavesdroppers. The others, a couple of them high-strung because their husbands “make it as far as the reception all dressed up for the job at hand, only to suddenly turn back and head home without doing a thing” (read, the beepers in bed), could not understand the first two women’s dilemma.
“Do you even know what you have?” one of them asked with incredulity. “In fact Carol, you should write about this. It is very unfair that our husbands expect us to fix our [lubrication] problems and then look for their erections too! Let them do something also. I can’t drink kibwankulata (local herb known to increase lubrication in women) all day and then you ‘reach the reception only to decide you can’t work after all’!”
The corner and any flies in its cracks, erupted into laughter, because she spoke with such passion. But her honesty set the ball rolling. Clearly, this issue of men letting the city’s stresses and bad diets get into their boxers is a big deal in marriages.
“These men look for money and forget their conjugal duties,” another chipped in. More husbands, apparently, would really rather sleep, night after night.
“I don’t know if it is the weather, money scarcity or the junk we eat, but it is frustrating seeing an interested spark in the poor man’s eyes, but without any sparks elsewhere,” one of them concurred.
The first two girlfriends, whose husbands clearly have neither stress issues nor those habits of stopping at the reception, finally agreed, they would stop grumbling about what is clearly a blessing, after listening in. One wife (the one with regular sex in her marriage) began to say: “I have discovered though, sex indeed starts in the mind…”
“Oh puhleaze! Forget that mind nonsense. Sometimes the mind is willing, but the body will just not cooperate. Give us tangible solutions.”
So, the satisfied wife finally shared her ‘secret’ recipe: bushera (millet porridge) – the cold, yeast-fortified type loved by the Bakiga and Banyankore. Thank goodness the drink now comes in a proper airtight can sold in supermarkets. It is said to make lubrication so easy and thus, frequent lovemaking less uncomfortable.
After noting that down in fancy tablets and phones, the other wives were still perplexed over how to coax their not-so-fit-for-work husbands into a more regular performance schedule.
Instead of husbands curling up miserably on their sides of the beds, the wives wished men would also go out and find their bushera and kibwankulata alternatives!
They exist, you know. Eat pumpkin seeds. In fact, order for egusi (mixture of pumpkin seeds and spinach), next time you chance upon a West African restaurant – there is one on Kyadondo road.
If egusi is not for you, just buy the roasted pumpkin seeds from a supermarket as a snack; they are said to be fortified with nutrients that do wonders for virility, just like mulondo (ginseng), peanuts and many other remedies, if only you gentlemen also shared more honestly…
Women are so open with each other about their sexual shortcomings and as a result quickly find solutions for virtually anything. I wish the same could be said about men.